Bash script to setup LAMP stack, etc

For $250 — Ends 3 Mar 2018 (in 5 days)

Please provide a bash script which will perform the following, on a brand new Ubuntu 16.04 server:
* Install Apache, MariaDB, and PHP
* Configure Automatic Security Updates (per https://help.ubuntu.com/community/AutomaticSecurityUpdates)
* Update SSH config - Require Password-less logins
* Update SSH config - Disable root login
* Update SSH config - Change ssh port to 2200
* Deny all inbound traffic with ufw firewall, except ports 2200, 443, and 80
* Install postfix and configure as send-only SMTP
* Forward all 'root' emails to user 'foobar'
* Install logwatch and configure to send daily summary emails
* Install Fail2ban with default configuration
* Set the timezone to UTC and install NTP
* Secure shared memory (per https://www.techrepublic.com/article/how-to-harden-ubuntu-server-16-04-security-in-five-steps/)
In your response:
* Please mention the word "chocolate" somewhere in the beginning of your response. Seriously, I know some freelancers will not read this project description, so by doing this you'll put yourself ahead of most other bids, because you actually read the spec. Besides, who doesn't like chocolate?
* Please link to similar Freelancer projects you've completed in the past.
* Please ask intelligent questions about areas of the spec that may be unclear. - $250.0


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